There’s something uniquely heavy about being the oldest daughter—especially for women of color. It’s a role that often comes with expectations so deeply embedded, you don’t even recognize them until years later. You were the helper. The peacemaker. The responsible one. You were praised for being “so mature” while you quietly stuffed your emotions down to keep the peace.

If you’re a working mother now, maybe with a partner and children of your own, those early lessons didn’t disappear. They evolved. What once looked like being the “good daughter” has now become a life of silent suffering, overcommitment, and self-neglect.

Let’s talk about what that looks like—and how to begin the journey back to yourself.

The Invisible Weight You Carry

You grew up knowing how to manage a crisis before you even knew how to manage your own emotions.

You learned that expressing anger made people uncomfortable, that tears were inconvenient, and that softness could be dangerous. Maybe your younger siblings got the grace and freedom you didn’t. Their accomplishments were celebrated. Yours were expected.

So you kept performing. You got good at it. You got so good at it, in fact, that now, no one even thinks to ask how you’re doing. Because you make it look easy. You hold it down at work, at home, with your partner, with your kids, with extended family, and sometimes with a smile you barely mean anymore.

And underneath all that, you’re tired. Not just physically—but emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically exhausted.

You might not even call yourself a people-pleaser. But ask yourself:

• Do you feel anxious when someone is disappointed in you—even if it’s not your fault?
• Do you say “yes” to things out of guilt, not desire?
• Do you struggle to ask for help, even when you’re overwhelmed?
• Do you feel like taking time for yourself is selfish—or impossible?
• Do you feel more like a caregiver than a person in your own home?

That’s not just burnout. That’s the result of a life built on self-abandonment disguised as strength.

And you’re not alone. So many women of color—especially mothers and partners—carry this internalized belief that we must earn our rest. That we have to prove ourselves over and over. That we can’t fall apart, because if we do, everything else might crumble.

Here’s something I tell my clients all the time: anxiety isn’t the enemy. It’s information.

That buzzing in your chest? The tension in your shoulders? The racing thoughts when you’re trying to sleep? That’s your body trying to tell you: you’re doing too much with too little support.

And that urge to control everything? That’s not you being “uptight” or “too much.” That’s your nervous system trying to feel safe in a life that hasn’t made much space for your emotional needs.

You’re not broken. You’re brilliant. You’ve just been surviving.

So what now?

The truth is, we can’t go back and change the past. But we can show up for the little girl inside us who still wonders if she’s allowed to rest. We can reparent ourselves—gently, intentionally, and at our own pace.

This is what inner child work looks like in real life:

• Saying no without explaining yourself
• Letting yourself cry without judging the tears
• Resting without feeling guilty
• Asking for help—even if your voice shakes
• Choosing peace over perfection

Inner child work isn’t about blaming your parents or rehashing old pain endlessly. It’s about honoring your story while giving yourself the compassion, safety, and softness you didn’t always receive.

It’s about finally learning to feel at home within yourself.

I know what you’re thinking. “If I fall apart, who will hold everything together?”

Here’s the thing: taking care of yourself isn’t a threat to your relationships. It’s an act of protection—for you and them. When you heal, you stop leaking resentment. You communicate more clearly. You parent with more patience. You show up with a sense of peace that doesn’t come from checking every box—but from actually feeling like yourself again.

You’re allowed to want more than survival. You’re allowed to want joy, ease, and connection—not just responsibility.

Holistic Healing is Available to You

At Freedom Psychotherapy, we support women of color who are navigating anxiety, burnout, and people-pleasing in relationships, motherhood, and life. Our approach blends trauma-informed therapy, inner child healing, and holistic wellness practices like:

• Meditation & breathwork to calm your nervous system
• Sound healing & energy work (like Reiki) to reconnect you to your body
• Boundary work & emotional processing to help you honor your needs

Whether you’re brand new to therapy or already doing deep inner work, we create a space where you don’t have to perform. You just get to be—messy, real, evolving, and still worthy of love and support.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone Anymore

You were never meant to do it all by yourself.
You were just taught that you had to.

But what if the strongest thing you could do now is stop trying to hold it all together?

What if you let someone else hold space for you?

What if this is the beginning of you becoming whole again—not just for your family, but for you?

If this resonates with you, we’d love to walk beside you on your healing journey.

Because you deserve more than survival.
You deserve to be seen.
You deserve to be supported.
You deserve to come home to yourself.

🌿 Ready to start therapy?

We work with women of color across Houston, Killeen, Dallas, Austin and online in Texas. Schedule a free consultation here or click here to learn more about our holistic therapy services.

If you want to work with me, my name is Shanice and I would love to walk with you on your healing journey.