“The orgasm gap, or pleasure gap, is a social phenomenon referring to the GENERAL disparity between cis-gendered men and women, heterosexual relationships, in terms of sexual satisfaction. More specifically, the unequal frequency in the achievement of orgasm during sexual encounters for women.
Here is a great blog post about what the orgasm gap is and why it exists *Hint* THE PATRIARCHY
Download a FREE Guide: 5 Ways to Close the Orgasm Gap – A SexualWellness Kickstarter that will help you start living a life you don’t need a vacation from.
Keep reading and I’ll give you actionable ways to close it in your life.
Prioritize pleasure (and make sure your partner does, too)
Focus on sensations like touch, taste, and temperature. It may seem counterintuitive but don’t focus on the orgasm as the goal. Focus on finding the sensations you enjoy most.
Men, find things that please your female partner not by thinking “how can I make her come”. Instead think, “what makes her feel good.”
Carve out the time
To be fully immersed in the experience you can’t be worried about a thousand other things. Thinking, “is the kitchen clean,” “where did I put my keys,” etc. stops you from being fulling in the here and now. Maybe you have to set your alarm half an hour early or plan to pick up the kids an hour or two after the movie ends. Perhaps you plan to pick them up in the morning so that there are no distractions and your mind can be clear. And giving yourself something to look forward to, by planning and clearing your mind in that way.
Think outside the penetration box
(see what I did there) I challenge you to try to have sex without intercourse. Find all the other ways to enjoy sex and find pleasure a new way. Try genital massage, oral sex, toys, fingers, and even kissing (remember that). Get that lube out and go to town. Try that the next few times you have sex and see if you don’t have mind-blowing pleasure.
Download a FREE Guide: 5 Ways to Close the Orgasm Gap – A Sexual Wellness Kickstarter that will help you start living a life you don’t need a vacation from.
Think about sex often….like all day
Send those nudes (with consent from your sexual partner)! If that’s not your jam, just text your sexual partner(s) something flirty and sexual during a normal mundane day.
If you’re in a relationship, do some non-sexual things naked. Sleep naked. Cook naked. Watch tv naked. Just be naked. This will help prime you for later when you do get down to business, you’ll be so excited to get to it you’ll burst before you even start.
We love orgasms and all but the pressure to feel like it HAS to happen is almost as stressful as not getting there at all. The trick is to relax and let all the feelings and sensations take over and before you know it, here she COMES.